I think I've figured out where my recent burst of unusual energy is coming from.

I've posted on this board before about my fear of going to the doctor and especially of taking my blood pressure. (Phobia resulted from designing an organ transplant system some years ago and reading a lot of very sick patients' charts.) I would say I've struggled with this for at least five years, maybe six. I've avoided going to the doctor or even reading medical articles or discussing topics that might touch on blood pressure.

Well, about two months ago, DH said he really wanted me to see a doctor and just get a decent checkup, since it had been so long and I'm not getting any younger. I realized he was right, and it was time to face this thing head on. So I started taking my blood pressure at home every day in order to de-sensitize myself. (This was the recommendation of a friend of mine who is a psychiatrist.) And also to give the doctor a history of readings so she could get a better picture.

At first the readings were horrendous, and I was so scared I nearly shook. Tears, etc. I know this sounds ridiculous to anyone who hasn't had an illogical phobia, but there it is. But I kept at it, and recorded the readings. Over time, they started to come down. I won't bore you with all the details of all the methods I tried to calm myself down and focus, but I tried a bunch of them.

And I went to the doctor, and I got my checkup, and I went back last week for test results. By the second visit, I had gotten my blood pressure readings down into the "excellent" range, and the doctor was seriously impressed. (She asked if I had been meditating or something.) I'll be going back for more tests in January because of the cholesterol med I'm now taking.

It hit me the other day that I'm no longer terrified of either going to the doctor or of taking my blood pressure. That huge shadow looming in the background of my life for so long just isn't there anymore. I don't claim that it won't return; my psychiatrist friend told me to continue taking the BP because these fears can tend to creep back unless you stay on top of them. But it's no big deal to me now.

It hit me this morning as I was driving to work: I think my recent burst of energy is due not just to cutting back on sugar (and certainly not due to the cholesterol med, which if anything is supposed to make you feel tired) but to being newly liberated from this oppressive weight that has hung over me for years. I feel incredibly freed.

I know others in this group have struggled with fears, currently and in the past. What have you done to overcome your fears? Which ones have you triumphed over? How did you feel afterwards?

I'm still grappling with my fears. I haven't had a physical in decades, and I'm not getting any younger, but I am just terrified to death of doctors. I have to literally be at death's door before I go to the doctor. I've weaned myself off my antidepresant (with no resulting problems) because I don't want to go back to see the doctor. He is a real jerk, he scares me, he nags me to have a physical, and I just can't. Don't know where the phobia came from, don't know why I don't just go, it's not like I have a long, exciting, funfilled life ahead of me. But my doctor, and the two before him, are appalling human beings with no tact, patience, or social skills, they have and still do, scare me. I can understand at the end of the day behaving that way, being cranky, overworked PHP drones, but I don't like it. Same with my daughter, she has left our doctor's office more than once in tears, he was so 'mean'.

I need someone to give me a Valium, take me by the hand, and go into the exam room with me. Telling me to grow up doesn't work, just ask my mom, that's one of her broken-record conversations.

My fear is going to see a dentist and to have my wisdom tooth extracted while I am awake. I always cry thinking about it. Still crying right now.

Good for you, Twitchly for finding a way to deal with your fear. That can't have been easy.

I used to have a terrible fear of public speaking. Awful. Then I got a job where giving presentations is a big part of my responsibilities and just from doing presentations all the time, they got less scary. At my former job I also had to give informational tours of my department, which were like miniature, mobile presentations.

I prepare thoroughly for each presentation or class, and that helps. What also helped for me was, paradoxically, when something (minor) goes wrong during a presentation or workshop or class (the microphone stops working, or someone flips the switch and shuts off all the computers in the room, including the one on which you were giving a ppt presentation - which happened to me the other day - or some other minor glitch), and you get through it, you realize it is not catastrophic, and that a less than perfect performance is still good. I also discovered that the audience is usually with you, if they can see you know your stuff and are prepared in general (heaven help you if you are unprepared though).

It was something I really had to get past or it would have severely limited me career-wise.

I guess it was desensitization what I did, little by little just doing it and becoming more comfortable with it. And now I can give a half-day or even full-day (5 or 6 hours, with a break for lunch) workshop, and be fine with it (and have now reached a point where I have more offers of employment teaching classes than I can accept). I still have my moments of fear but I just keep going and they pass.

If someone had told me in grad school that public speaking would be a regular part of my job and I would even be enjoying it, I would have sworn up and down that that is not possible. You never know where you'll end up.

Why not go to another doctor? Someone else's rudeness could have a major impact on your health and therefore, your life, and that's an awfully high price to pay to avoid rudeness and tactlessness.

I wouldn't say I'm afraid of people, but I am deeply afraid of social situations. I've gone long periods of time without leaving the house and will do almost anything to avoid a party or a large group of people in one place. It's getting better though. Medicine has been a miracle for me. And I really try to get out more, although I can't usually force myself to have a conversation. Smalltalk is genuinely painful for me, and because I feel so inept at it, I usually blank out while talking and then there's that awkward moment of what was I trying to say and why are you looking at me like that and where can I go to be alone.

The internet has been a blessing for me beyond all measure. Without it, I would have almost no social interaction. And yes, I consider this social. It's as social as I can be most times. Though I am trying really hard to get out more and to say "yes" when I'm invited to something that I think I'll enjoy if I can just get over myself.

I have to face up to my issues with performing music in public, as I'm slated to accompany a chorus on my sarangi next month....

Recently I was in a singing class, which was a group format. The instructor started having everyone do the scale independently. I found it incredibly difficult, because I was following a couple of really off-key people, and I have a hard time staying on pitch when I'm next to something/someone that's off. I absolutely hated singing solo in this circumstance. One of the other students chided me afterwards and said I shouldn't allow a fear of singing solo hold me back, as it would hold me back in every public interaction... I replied that this was bunk, I have no fear of public speaking, and used to be a soloist in a choir many moons ago.

After some thought I realized I'm not *scared* of singing solo in public. I loathe singing solo in public when I'm off pitch. It's perfectionism, not fear. It does affect me when I'm playing sarangi for anyone but my family and teacher - I get shaky. If I can practice enough, I'll be able to control that, I'll be fine.

Word.

Finding the right doctor can make a HUGE difference, Salinqmind. I would never, ever go back to a doctor who was rude or mean. I'm so sorry you've had that experience.

A few years ago when I tried to face down this fear of mine, I went to a doctor that a friend recommended. He was very kind and polite, but I also thoroughly confused him. He didn't know what to do with me. I realized after that that I really wanted to go to a woman doctor. I find them much less threatening, generally speaking. And I wanted to go to one who would not have a problem dealing with someone as neurotic as myself. So I started asking around and got a recommendation from another friend, and I'm very happy with this one. She's warm and funny and very down-to-earth. She even gave me a hug before I left the examining room.

Can you try to find someone more humane, Salinqmind? It really is a world of difference.

That's impressive, Ellen. Public speaking is one of those dreaded things for many people, including me. But you're right, it can get easier with practice. I still don't enjoy it, though. Kudos to you for forging ahead with it in spite of your initial fears. It really does give you a feeling of confidence when you overcome these things, doesn't it?

Classic Fear of Abandoment and not being loved. Cliche, I know.

I haven't overcome it. I'm 36. I'm working on it - but I FEAR I have a long way to go.

OMW! Wow. We all have our fears.
I found in my interview with someone I didn't ask for more $$ and I'm mad at myself.
Going to the Dr. or dentist doesn't bother me at all. I've gone skydiving.........I've moved over here by myself not knowing anybody.

I've already been abandoned. I'm sure relationship issues are mine now.
I AM pretty alone in life. I'm not loved by one significant person. So..........really I don't think I have much to fear except not having enough $$ to last the rest of my life or maybe getting sick. I've never really been too sick.

Loosing kids would be horrible. They don't live near me and are involved in their own lives. Actually it's pretty lonely but I'm an extrovert which helps.

I've been introducing myself to neighbors and networking with people.

Fell the fear and do it anyway.

Faith is the only answer to any of these things I guess.

FEAR = FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. Do you have more faith in your fears than in a good outcome?????

There's no sense in borrowing trouble from the future. Why invest in that?

That's great Twitchly, I'm glad you've gotten mastery over your BP fears, and it's set you free. It's a great feeling to do something you though you couldn't do.

I have a few minor things I'm afraid of, but the main one is being sick - I feel out of control and terrified, which comes from an incident when I was 9 years old and my little brother almost died from an illness that started out as just a sore throat. I've gotten better than I was, but I still live in fear of getting some horrible illness that will cause me unbearable pain and suffering. Mostly I just try not to think about it, since we don't have control over such things. I do hope that there is no such thing as reincarnation though - I don't ever want to come back, I want to sit pleasantly in heaven forever after I die. Human life is just too hard and boring a lot of the time.

Glo, meditation and having a strong spiritual practice has helped me alot in my 'aloneness'. Faith does go a long way ................

I didn't say that it was easy or that I was happy really.............life is difficult as M. Scott Peck says in the first sentence of his book.......The Road Less Traveled. He's dead now.

omg Glo, I'm reading that book right now! It's so enlightening.

I prefer "F*** Everything And Run"

I have always been afraid of heights, and this has kept me from riding. I have no fear of the horse itself, just of falling off.
The night before last I had this strange dream where I actually faced the fear of riding. In the dream, my family and friends and myself were at a farm a mile down the road. They all piled into one car and there was no room for me so they said they would come back for me. I got into my husband's old 69 Ford truck, which he has sold, and I never drove because I was afraid I couldn't control it. I creeped down the road in it and it turned into a horse. Somehow, by instinct, I knew how to control the horse and get it home. When I got there, and got off the horse, a rooster charged at the horse. The horse confronted the rooster and the rooster ran. Very strange dream but it seemed meaningful to me.

Toastmasters got me over my dread of public speaking. Actually, grad school did the same and Toastmasters really helped me get comfortable about speaking and leading. It was a gradual immersion and worked great for me.

Social situations were another one, but this fear fell hard over the course of a few hours. I joined this accounting association and went to a technical/dinner meeting for the first time. As I approached the door, two thoughts struck me: 1) I know no one here, and 2) I'm underdressed.

So I hid in the lobby for a while, and eventually decided that going forth was a better option than running home to Mrs. T with my tail between my legs. I went in, grabbed a glass of scotch, and started meeting people. It was a room full of accountants - how could I be any more boring than depreciation rules??? I didn't stare at the curtains, not once, over the two hours, and I won my scotch money back at the end. Ever since then, I've not had the same fear. It's never as bad as you make it to be.

It is funny how people are so different. Speaking in public would not bug me at all but I could not see myself bungee jumping or walking across a high, long, swinging bridge. I actually walked across a small swinging bridge once only because I didn't know it was there until it was too late and there was a bunch of people behind me and I did not want to make a fool of myself by going back through the crowd. My husband came out onto it and helped me across. I was clinging and practically crawling.

Cool story, Thomas.



Words to live by,especially for a disaster thinker like me. One of my favorite Mark Twainisms: "I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”

Scentual, I hear you about the dentist fears. I think I posted here about my anxieties over having a root canal. I put it off for a couple of years, until it was obvious I couldn't wait any longer. I cried when I showed up at the dentist's. They were very kind, and there turned out to be no pain whatsoever.

On one occasion when I was younger and had to have four teeth pulled for braces, the dentist gave me IV valium. It was marvelous. I didn't care if he pulled all my teeth. Maybe you could find a dentist who would do something similar for you? (Give you the valium, not pull all your teeth!) I know some dentists also offer massages, etc. They know they're not exactly popular.