I'm sure you've seen it all over the news in the past few days. Democratic NY Governor Spitzer spent thousands of dollars over a period of years on call girls. Ironic considering he cracked down on prostitution himself. Supposedly, he was caught by accident in wiretaps related to another issue, but the cops recognized his voice. He had also made loads of enemies over the years, so this was payback.

What bugs me about all these sex scandals is the wives being trotted out to stand by their man. For once, just once, I'd like to see the wife shove her husband away from the mike and shout, "I'm divorcing this low life, scum of the earth pervert and taking him for every penny I can get! He's made a fool of me for the last time!" I think everyone in the press conference -- and America -- would stand up and cheer!

Yeah, face the music alone, buddy.

The wives must get something out of it.

I would say if its money , like him or lump she loses nothing.

In her shoes I would hire a mouthpiece to talk to the press , tell him to go it alone , refuse to be bandied about and set off on holidays. I have no idea how these women deal with the glare of these messes.

Hate to think of the ribbing the kids might face , nevermind the personal turmoil.

I would have voted for Hillary if she did just that PerfumeMe!

*the fact that I am not a US citizen wouldn't stop me! LOL

I also don't get this 'Stand by my man' I'll be furious not only as a betrayed wife but for the 3 teenage daughters thet are old enough to understand and now have to see their father's name splashed out and the press hungry for details will milk it for what it is worth. For goodness sake he is not a nobody, he knew there will be huge scandal if it will come out, and he took the chance, knowing what's at stake . What arrogance. He is also a hypocrite.

*Standing up and clapping* You say it sister!

Lady Jicky, I'm sure of that!

Hillary was hanging on to Bill Clintons coat tail and wasn't about to let go!

I am So. Sick. of watching the same thing--women who are victims, really, being victimized again by being trotted out as The Supportive Wife. Ooooh, it just irks me.

My sympathies for Mrs. Spitzer evaporated last night when I heard on the news that SHE was the one holding up his resignation because, get this, SHE was trying to talk him into staying on! I couldn't believe my ears, but now I can imagine what she might have been saying "we can wait this out! It'll all blow over! The people will forget about it in a couple weeks! They'll let it slide, I mean, LOOK AT BILL CLINTON!"

???

Bill Clinton is very bad, of course, but he is his own special case. He didn't send people to jail for fooling around in the White House. He didn't enforce harsh penalties for fooling around in the Oval Office.

Gov. Spitzer is the very worst kind of hypocrite. He's like one of the leaders of the Mothers Against Drunk Driving organization who got arrested for, yes, drunk driving! To 'stand by your man' in this case is just insulting and shows she would miss the prestige and power of being the Governor's Wife, more than her sense of shame.

Really, I'm beginning to feel like Sadie Thompson (famous ho in a short story by W.S. Maughm). Every time I see some well-respected, well-dressed politico, lawyer, preacher, CEO, big fat pillar of the community, with wife and 2.5 kids in tow, pontificating on morality, oozing the righteousness of the good deed doer, I think to myself "what filthy habits are YOU hiding, you big blowhard?"

The standing by your man thing is like part of the wife's job description. And for all we know, maybe they had an 'arrangement' we don't know about - the high up mucky-mucks who frequent call girls may very well have to do so to get their 'needs' met. Oh, plus they are so wealthy, there's nothing they're not entitled to!

I agree with this. I don't really buy that savvy politicians marry women who are doormats or stupid. I think it's a calculated move most of the time. It might seem so cathartic to dramatically denounce the marriage, but I think that ultimately it's better for them to be Machiavellian about it.

My theory is that she feels guilty and somewhat responsible for having driven him to the prostitutes in the first place and doesn't want to compound her role further, by appearing to want him to resign from the office he worked so hard to achieve. (I'm not saying any of this is true, only that it's the only rationale I can come up with.)

I think she should dump him, after getting a good settlement, of course.

This reminds me of Jeanine Pirro who was running for NY Senate Office but it was disasterious because, one, her husband was a philanderer himself AND she knew about it. She was okay with it but there was a catch to it. It was "I scratch your back, now scratch mine." He was paying her. She was getting paid by her own husband. She had to maintain her looks, getting botox, buying expensive suits, etc. Reports said that she really loved her husband and couldn't let go but she finally did - she kicked out to the curb. You know the expression, smart girl, foolish decisions. She knew her husband was cheating for years. It was big news for years here in NY. Whenever she runs for a political office, her past keeps popping up, mostly about her husband, evading taxes, his mistresses, he even served jail time. He ruined her career and she ruined it herself by staying with him. If she had kicked him earlier, things would've been different, I think.

It is a sad situtation that is going on with Silda Walls Spitzer. I personally feel sorry for their 3 daughters who by the way, the oldest is 18 years old - almost the same age as the hooker, she's 22. That is years of therapy there and her distrust in men right there.

I did feel sorry for Silda up to that moment when she was advising her cheating husband not to resign in haste. Wait it out. For what?? His reputation is ruined. Now, he's facing of losing his law license. Everybody in NY, especially in Wall Street hated him. He got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Maybe that is why he worked so hard in the prostitutition ring because he had his hand in it and did not want to get caught. What a hypocrite. As the saying goes, karma is a b!#%&






I heard Laura Schlessinger ACTUALLY blamed Silda for her husband to cheat.

O.K. HERE goes.
Unless you've ever been through this I don't think you quite understand the dynamics of what's going on here.
I've been through it. Of course my husband wasn't a public figure but he was successful.
These women have spent a great deal of their lives with this person. Probably Mrs. Spitzer is just NOW hearing this just like WE are. She's in shock!!! She doesn't know what she's doing right now. When you find out something like this you're more HURT than anything you can imagine. Her mind is full of conflicting thoughts and this woman looks like she's gotten no sleep whatsoever! I've seen it over and over and over. From my vantage point NOW.........I also wish she'd kick him to the curb but.............
Just because you find out something horrible about your spouse doesn't mean that your feelings for him just STOP and END! It doesn't work that way! There are years of bonding...........building their future together. CHILDREN who's life is also turned upside down. Daddy was the hero and now.........who the heck IS Daddy? This is a tragedy.
I'd have to say that to give up everything for some low life hooker is kinda silly. Now........the guy is a looser for risking his entire political, family, monitary, not to mention his integrity for such a thing. Please. What was he thinking? The answer is he WASN'T. They do it because they CAN and because there are so many women wanting something someone else has. Mostly the $$$$$.
She cannot make a decision now............she's probably not sure that HE loves her. He can't be sorry that he's gotten caught! He's gotta be truly truly soul deep sorry.
I'm not the co-dependent that thinks that I'd allow myself to be abused by some yayhoo.......but you've gotta look deep within yourself and what you're about to throw away in a moment of fury. These people have a long way to go................Let's hope they get lots of counseling. This woman had a wonderful productive life looooong before she married him. She'll be fine. At least she has the confidence that she can make it on her own!
What I see a lot.......is women who are having affairs with married men............those women are bigger loosers. They honestly think it's a compliment. They kid themselves. It all comes back on them right in the face.

I'm just trying to help you understand the complete paralyzing shock, deep hurt and unbelieveable pain these women are in. You cannot imagine.


Don't forget that women are very compassionate. She's trying to UNDERSTAND. Your husband is not your child............but...........if your child did something horrible.........you wouldn't disown them would you? You may have to kick them out of the house........or let them face the consequences of their actions but.......
This woman's life as she knew it is OVER. So is her husband's to a certain degree. Trust me, he's kicking himself for being such a jerk.

sure , lots to think about and divorce is not the only answer however , why put oneself up to the media glare doing a Wynette? I certainly wouldnt be up for it

Well..................if she didn't show up.........it would be worse. It wouldn't look like a united front and they could be thinking you were home in the bed with a bottle of vodka or drugs. Look strong.

I thought it was funny. Someone said............Let the hooker or the other woman stand up there with him! She's probably be stoned! That's what the men need. Their trollops to stand up there!


Dr. Laura makes me want to vomit. Everybody's gotta own their own stuff........but just once I'd like to hear of a man who comes to his wife and says..........You aren't meeting my needs and I'm thinking of having an affair........let's get some counseling!!! BEFORE he cheats!

Well, there's that whole "for better or for worse" thing in the marriage vows... This would definitely qualify as "for worse", but at least they're keeping to some of the vows instead of chucking the whole thing right then.

Now, McGreevey's wife...that blew my mind right there. Glad to hear she's moved on, cause she was very appealing.

Well.............in order to stay together the woman has to feel that her husband adores, loves and still finds her attractive!! For crying out loud..........McGreevy's husband was gay. She had no choice. It was over.

Who knows what binds each husband and wife together? In the case of highly ambitious political couples, my guess is power is the ultimate glue.


Scentual, this attitude may come back to haunt Dr. Laura some day. I remember the case of Ann Landers. For year she preached against divorce and said if the husband cheats the wife should stick with him for the sake of the children and the family, etc., etc. (What about the sake of the wife?) But then one day, after 36 years of marriage, Ann Landers' husband left her for another woman and she ended up in a divorce. I can tell you that her tune changed after that in her attitude toward divorce!

http://illinoisreview.typepad.com/illinois...s_hall_o_4.html

Now, they are in a nasty custody battle over their 4 year old daughter.

She claimed that she did not know he was gay.

Think twice before you leap!

I used to scratch my head over this one - how does one partner not know about the other?

Then I started reading a bit and found examples of lots of married couples who don't really know each other. I mean, the things that go on behind some people's backs are mind-blowing.

Then I started to wonder about larger questions, like who am I married to and what do I know about her? Then I wondered who I am, and what parts of myself have I subjugated in order to make her happy? What has she changed to make me happy? And I thought a bit further and wondered who I would be in other circumstances, and would 'me' in a different situation be truly different from 'me' circa 2008?

Then my head hurt, so I drank a beer and things were right again.

YEP! Be careful what you preach! It could bite you in the butt.
If the guy didn't have a life changing attitude toward you...........forget it! Hold your head up high and say buh bye!

After reading the above, I just have to say that it is so true about the being in shock part. I was married to someone, not anyone famous or a public figure of course, but he started his own business and became very successful in the state we were living in at the time. Before he became successful, he was more humble and more committed to the marriage but after his success hit, it was like he changed into someone with a monstrous sense of entitlement and felt like he could do anything he wanted with whomever he chose to do it with. Yes, he cheated and yes, he got into a lot of bad behavior with alcohol, drugs, etc. and eventually fell from his pedestal and lost all that he had worked so hard for. I remember when I found out he was cheating and indulging heavily in cocaine and crystal meth and shock would be putting it mildly to describe my state of mind. And, like glorious1 said, you don't stop loving that person overnight and you don't make any decisions about how to proceed with your life overnight. In my situation, I tried, I really tried to forgive my husband and put the pieces back together, we salvaged what we could of our assets and relocated, but nothing changed except the geography so I had to finally admit that I could do no more and ended the marriage. It was one of the most difficult decisions I've ever made despite the evidence that I was well justified in making that decision. I feel only compassion for this woman, and while I am not and never would equate my situation to hers, I do know how it feels to be betrayed and be an object of scorn and ridicule, even if it was on a small scale and not for the whole world to know about. God bless her and be with her because as bad as it is now the worst lies ahead.

The first thing that came to mind when I saw the title of this thread is a quote by Abraham Lincoln.

~~Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. ~~



And Glo and Aromatique.... (Hugs)

Yep! The EGO is a huge thing! Some men have ego's bigger than Chicago! EGO stands for "easing God out" and money and power are very very dangerous things. It's hard to stay HUMBLE!

EGO stands for "easing God out". I have never heard of that saying before. THanks for sharing it.

Glo and aromatique, the experiences you explained really got across how deep something like this goes on a personal level. I felt very touched reading those posts.

It has to be really tough on the spouse emotionally and, in addition, there is the investment level. I can think of one reason why Mrs. Spitzer may not be ready to just walk out. A couple works as a team to build the marriage, and with couples who have aims for high political power, they work as a very focused, high-powered team. They don't just find themselves in situations. They plan their careers step-by-step years in advance, working toward each political level. Whichever party is the political candidate or incumbent, the other spouse has her or his role to play in assuring that level is secured and in working toward the next level. Therefore for the spouse not in the spotlight, it's not just a personal relationship with a family to take care of but also a huge investment. A person who has worked hard to contribute to the elevated position might not be so willing to pay the price of letting it all go just because the more famous partner did something stupid.

In any successful couple...........it's a joint effort. Even if they aren't wealthy. It's an entire lifetime of working toward shared goals. The wife is the social hostess.........and other half. She plays a very important role. She contributes in many ways supporting her husband. Now, Mrs. Spritzer had a very lucrative career all by herself but they worked together to be Mr. and Mrs. NYC!! That is HUGE.
I will also say though.........that if anybody is married to anybody for say 20 years........or so......or even much less. There are soul ties that are not easily broken. These women are in post traumatic stress. I can tell you that.
It is an entire process to see where this goes. It is a day and moment at a time. Your emotions are very conflicted. You just don't walk away from a partner, spouse, father of your kids, financial and entire hopes and dreams with no thought about it!
Anybody who's even been in a physical relationship with a boyfriend for a length of time knows how hard breaking up is...........but multiply that by ????? with kids, power, wealth, social status, etc. Not an easy deal. Hard for this not to affect your self esteem. NEVER mind the lasting effect on their kids!! It's a train wreck.



I have a girlfriend who stayed............They were young and successful and he got involved with a secretery with a child who had disabilities.
They weathered the storm. He's always been faithful...........she has never forgotten though!!!
They now have a fortune of about $85,000,000. They are happy, have grown kids and MADE IT THROUGH.
She almost walked.

What a scum. I really feel sorry for her, and for their daughters. Jerk.

This goes for very successful businessmen as well. Most people don't know this, so when couples like this divorce, the public screams that the wife shouldn't get anything because "she didn't earn the money." Maybe not, but she made it possible for her husband to.

Most First Ladies wielded more power and influence than people suspect, too. Sometimes it's very subtle, like a "steel magnolia."

We were talking about this at work today - I also think it is sickening that's she's staying with him (for now at least). Then again, she knew she was marrying a politician, and unfortunately this is not unusual behavior for a politician. Really, how shocked could she be? (A politician with a hooker?!?!!? Never heard of that before!) If I were the wife I would leave, but then I would never marry a politician in the first place. Clearly she's the kind of woman who would (and don't they nearly always look the same, these wives???)

What message is she sending to the kids, I am wondering too, by staying? And is it OK to stay if the cheating is behind closed doors but not OK if it becomes public? Lots of variables here.

You know how they say, "Absolute power corrupts absoutely"? Well there are many many people who can be absolutely corrupted by a lot less than absolute power.

Re: McGreevey's wife - I was happy to hear she left him - because he lied to her for years. There are lots of women who do stay with husbands who come out, though. What is intolerable to one person is no big deal to another. In that case though, it seemed pretty clear that he wanted to pursue men and that apparently was one of the deal-breaker-elements for her. Well that, and her fury at being lied to.

OT - that's some kind of forehead on Spitzer, ain't it? Wow.

Well....................right about NOW Spitzer has got to feel like jumping off the Brooklyn Bridge! He's gotta be asking himself how in the world he was SUCH an IDIOT!!!!
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer! Thinkin with the little head.

ITA that the investment factor is a major part of any marriage where the spouses are pulling together to achieve their goals, not only for politicos where the stakes are very high and very public.

To add a little levity to this serious discussion, I was just watching a news clip of a press conference with the soon to be new gov of NY, David Paterson. A reporter asked him if he'd ever been with a prostitute. His answer: "just the lobbyists".

How do you think a man would handle the same situation but in reverse? Would they stand by their wife up there in front of God and everybody? Hmmmmmmmmm.....

I'd like to see that too, but trotting out the loyal wife looks good....its all about apearances in politics it seems.

What a hypocrite!

I truly don't think if you've never walked in the shoes of another person, that you really don't know how you would react. It IS different when it IS a reality. We can say - we'd do this or we'd do that - but, really we don't know.

Forehead? Did you notice his ears?

Silda has invested 21 years of marriage. She gave up her law career to be a full time mom and helped started an organization called Children for Children Foundation, teaching youngsters about volunteering. She devoted her time to help her husband to get where he is/was now. I could understand that it is not easy to walk away from a marriage when so much time and effort was put into the marriage. In due time, she will walk out, but not just immediately, like everyone is saying she should do. He is not a disposable goldfish where you can flush it down the pipes and clean your hands afterwards.

The Lt. Governor is legally blind since he was 2 years old. He refused to use a cane and refused to learn to read braille. He opted to use audio to learn. He is the first black governor for the state of New York and 4th in the country since the start of Reconstruction.

Do you think only politicians go to prostitutes? The prostitutes won't be able survive 1 day if they had to rely just on politicians for business! LOL!

One thing I don't get - if you become a public figure , you know, you must know that nothing about your life can be hidden, nothing, that sooner or later it will come out , and that is why I really doubt his sanity.

Excellent question. I have often wondered if the sitch was reversed would the husband be making a show of support or be out the door.

I don't really understand criticizing a woman for staying with her husband.

That's funny.

LOL, Colonia, sounds like a winner here--and with a sense of humour!

I beg to differ here, I really don't think Spitzer is sad or depressed or remorseful about any of this, not enough to jump off a bridge. I think he is really regretful that he's not governor any more. I think he is somewhat perturbed by all the fuss made, and kind of sad he embarrassed himself and his family. But it's that sense of entitlement the very rich have that's getting him through this OK, which also got him INTO this mess. He felt entitled. He had money, power, position, and whatever he felt like doing was A-O.K. with Elliott Spitzer, because he was a very special being and totally deserved it.

I wonder if he's going to get a book deal out of this. One day he'll pop up on Larry King for "an exclusive interview" (taped previously in the swank library of his new mansion). Or walk down a lane, hands behind his back, deep in discussion with Diane Sawyer.

:p

Now the floozie has surfaced and I suppose we're going to see her all over TV and hear her tale of woe. She, I predict, will also get a book deal and/or pose for Playboy

You have a point but I still think that his EGO loved his being GOV of N.Y. He HAS in fact been shamed unbelieveably............he looks like a moron...........and if the wife walks...........he stands to loose a PRETTY PENNY!...........a good chunk of his net worth. There is no way he can face his entire family.........inlaws.......his parents.........children and the "guys" without EGG on the face. This isn't easy. The wife in fact has lost her social position.........her kids are shamed. This isn't to be taken lightly.

It would be funny, if it wouldn't be so sad.

(and don't they nearly always look the same, these wives???)



What's that, Ellen? Like an older version of Jennifer Aniston?




Thomas --- I'm laughing out loud ..... you've topped yourself.





Too funny, Col......