Haha, I know the answer I'll get from some of you....You Just Do. I realize you have to be comfortable and happy being single, which I am...but I miss having someone special. It's kinda hard in the gay community, I tend to find alot of guys that want to go from one guy to the next. I've been single for 4 1/2 years, and I'm definitely ready to get back out there. I just moved to Atlanta a month and a half ago so I really am anxious to meet new people. Like I said, I've definitely enjoyed being single, but enough is enough, haha! Anybody else with me?!

I can empathize. I've been through the "you need to lower your standards", "don't be so picky", "look for a guy at church/volunteer efforts". Blah blah blah.

First, I don't think my standards are too high: breathing, able to hold down a job, be kind, not interested in hitting the sack on the first (or even the third) date, have some developed opinions and an active intelligence, don't make noise when you eat, and have a solid understanding of the words "truth" and "honesty". Everything else I can deal with. Really, those are my standards. Alas, finding them all in one man (that you also happen to share a spark with) is elusive.

I've had a few very loving relationships and I'm happy to have had that in my life.

Being single isn't hard. I quite enjoy it. It does force one to look a little deeper and, hopefully, learn a little more.

Hang in there, Clay. It does happen when you least expect it and, usually, from an unexpected quarter.

Post contravening the guidelines deleted.

Thanks! Yeah I agree with you, it's not a huge deal...but it kinda stinks when you see happy couples together. It's not that I'm jealous, in fact I'm very happy for them, I think I just miss that "closeness"....ya know. But, like you, I'm a good person and I really strive to stay positive...so I figure it'll happen sooner or later. I suppose I am just having an off day. Heh.

Make friends with other single people ...

I've been married and I've been single, and I much prefer single!

Is there a "Meet Up" group in Atlanta that you can join? I sympathize with your anxiety. All I can say is be out at least four nights a week, and no, it doesn't have to be a bar or a night club, but don't look down on those venues either, be charming to everyone you meet, and don't automatically dismiss people who are less attractive than you are. This is callous of me to suggest, but you might consider getting a "starter' boyfriend or have a fling to move things along pyschologically.

Being single is nice- I can keep my apartment as clean or as messy as I want, come and go as I please, and it's nice to have a monopoly on the bathroom, but being in a couple also has its advantages, because meals are more interesting and hosts are not so anxious if you arrive with another person at a party.

Anyway, good luck out there. I hope you find someone who makes you smile when you see you have an incoming call from them.

Get thee to midtown, asap. The Outwrite Bookstore, Piedmont Park, or pretty much any restaurant/tavern between North Ave & 14th Street is full of single, gay men. Get a cute little dog, or borrow one, and hit the bricks.

That's a great idea, Mariana! Dogs are great conversation-starters. In addition to attracting commentary from passers-by, they force you to go out all the time. Cats are not good for the socializing phase. They do the opposite: they make you want to stay home and never go out! (The cat phase comes later...)

Ummm.... deal with what, exactly? That state of being single? Versus being attached somehow?

What's to deal with?

I'm here now. I've been in relationships, I've been married. When I was living in those states, I was there. Now I'm here.

I'm not one to worry too much over being attached when I'm single, or single when I'm attached. That would be like living in San Francisco, for instance, and wishing to be in Paris, or living in London and wishing to live in LA. Usually you find yourself in a particular place, geographic or otherwise, for some very practical or real, personal reasons. Or there are some very real barriers that you overcome when the psychic pain of not overcoming them gets too great.

Magdalene, very true. At the same time, wishing to be in another place is usually the first step toward finding a way to get there in reality.

You're right, there's nothing to deal with...you just do it. I get it, I get it!

Sometimes, not necessarily usually. Often wishing is just wishing. Now planning... that is another matter altogether.



You go! But see, you did answer yourself in your very first sentence.... you're on your way.

happily, I date; visit friends, married or single; with kids or not...I just am.

Deal with it?? I love it! But that's coming from my experiences of having been married and divorced twice and any number of disastrous relationships! It's great to be free, especially when I hear about my married friends and relatives having marital problems of the big serious variety. I date when I want to but don't mislead anyone about what I'm looking (or not looking) for, hang out with friends and just generally have fun. I finally have reached a point in my life where I've stopped chasing after love and relationships and am happy to just be in the moment, whatever that moment happens to be. Sometimes when we're chasing love the hardest is when it seems to be the most elusive, IMHO. Some great suggestions here on how to meet someone. Best of luck to you!

I also enjoy freedom but I must say it's after a lifetime of trial and error with other options. Having reached a certain age and level of experience, I believe it's natural to be able to weigh the pros and cons and feel comfortable in the chosen state, either in a couple or family, or solo. Young people are programmed by nature to seek a mate and while a person with experience can say ah, yes, living alone is better, rare is the young person who will not be seeking the experience of forming a couple and living with someone, and rightfully so, imho.

Many of my single friends tell me that they are basically content being single...but they don't want to grow old without a mate.

I don't get that either. Because if I'm getting old and decrepit, he's getting old and decrepit, too. Who wants to live with a decrepit old man? For one thing, they fart.

(sigh) Yes, they do fart - I could definitely do without that - but fortunately he has other wonderful qualities that allow me to
tolerate that issue.

My ideal relationship would be with someone who travels a lot - I like being single 50% of the time. Houses next door to each other would work too. (I love peace and quiet and he loves blaring TV. ) Separate bedrooms are a necessity since he snores. I guess I'm kind of ambivalent! But I do enjoy having someone to watch out for me and hug me when I"m feeling down.

I'm not single here. But this is absolutely true. I had met my partner, Phil, over 13 years ago (working on the 14th year now) at place (a really nice restaurant/bar) that both of admit we'd never would've been if it were for circumstances that were occuring in our lives. It was like if I didn't this particular person I had met at this particular function, I wouldn't have been at the place where I met my partner, Phil.

I couldn't have met the most wonderful person I am with (Phil) and that therefore I am grateful.

Don't try to hard looking, let it all happen but always have in the back of your mind what you truly want and it will happen. That is exactly how it all happened for me.

LOL true! Maybe misery loves company? I dunno. And old doesn't always mean decrepit.


Single or not, separate bedrooms make a lot of sense. And separate bathrooms.

Oh yes, forgot the separate bathrooms! Very important.

I happen to have come across this. It's something that we all "know"..............but.........thought it was worth posting for straight or gay relationships!!

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/09...love/index.html

I would definitly go for separate bathrooms.............mostly because I'M the messy one. I have so much make up all over the place.

I have a sign that says............"Today was a total waste of make up."

But.......................I HAVE TO SAY..................if you really LOVE somebody...........it doesn't matter if they fart! You love them whatever!!
If you really love them...................worts and all ............

Separate bathrooms are a godsend! Separate closets, too. It's great to be able to get ready in the morning without continuously bumping into the BF at the sink or while grabbing clothes out of the closet.

Have faith, Tara -- it's been ten years and I'm slowly growing accustomed to the blaring TV at night . . .

We share the bed, we share the bedroom , but I keep the spare room to indulge my own fancies and to have my own closets this is compensation for having to share the bathroom , you cant win em all.

I was a contented single , and now I am content and attached but it took some adjusting.

I was a person who never enjoyed being single - I am very touchy feely and was quite miserable and lonely in life until I got married at age 30. I did everything you were supposed to do, went out 6 nights a week to different events, volunteered, to classes in the evenings, went to counseling to work on myself, went to spiritual growth groups. I met my husband through a yoga and meditation group that met in the evenings. I think going to art gallery showings and bookstore events is a good place to meet like-minded people. I understand how hard it is to be single when your heart is yearning to love someone.

HELLO!!!!

Single or not, people have their frailities. If one doesn't want anyone in their life to share it, that's fine. And if they do, good.

Plain and simple. No reason to be judgemental about anyone wanting what they want in this lifetime. It is what it is.

Great posts, you guys.

I have been talking to this guy (he's Brazilian...with the sexiest accent ever)...but we're pretty much friends. We don't call or text each other all the time, and honestly it's kind of nice. He's not what I'd normally be attracted to (but he is very cute, beautiful eyes) but I enjoy his personality, and he loves to travel. I'm not looking to rush into anything, but so far I think he's a very cool person...he's a shy Pisces and I'm a Scorpio...so who know's what will happen. I've rushed into relationships during the past and while they were good, the flame died before long. So I think I'm going about this the right way, because I definitely want this guy as a friend. Who knows.

Good luck, honey. Keep us posted!

Just my 2 cents, but seperate houses has been a godsend for me and my guy. We've been off and on for nearly 30 years and completely together for the last 15. If I had to live with him, or anybody else, it would not, and has not, worked.

Congrats on meeting your friend Indulci ! In general, things happen when you're not actively looking. It tends to rid the aura of angst leaving a sense of confidence and security which is always attractive.

Good luck, IDJ. We all deserve to be loved in the way that makes us happiest, whatever that may be. Keep us posted.

I don't mind at all being single, in fact, if I met someone I was interested in, it would definitely be separate houses for me. I must say from my own experience as well, "I have been lonelier in a relationship than I have been lonely by myself."

I keep myself very busy, I have so many hobbies, eat, sleep, whatever, when I want to, not according to someone else's schedule. To sum it all up, meeting someone I could be with and care about would be like the cherry on a sundae, not necessary, but a plus. But I am not willing at this stage in my life to change my lifestyle for anyone else. If they are willing to live with that, fine, if not, oh well.

I am alone, but I am not lonely.

I think you're being wise in your approach.

The most important relationship I've been in took several months of dating before it even progressed to kissing, etc. We both just wanted to take things slowly.

It's been the same with the other long(er)-lasting relationships in my life.

Take your time; if it's meant to happen, it will; when it does...well...oh my!

Congratulations. Be patient. Enjoy the journey!

So far so good! Sounds very nice, IDJ.