I've been picking the brains of friends and family members and trying hard to find ways to economize. I was hoping maybe we could share tips on how to be more budget conscious. We could share coupon sources, money saving tips, recipes for inexpensive and healthy meals, and ideas for "cheap dates" etc.

My tip: My husband and I grocery shop once a month. We found this to be a huge savings because it cut down significantly on impulse buys.

Please share your tip(s)

-Noelle

Learn how to cook. I save a bundle that way. There are plenty of recipes for quick and cheap meals if you look online.

With your car, see how far it is to some of the places you normally drive. If it's a mile or less, then walk or buy a bike with a basket on it.

Pay off your credit cards!

My best tip is to keep up on your home maintenance chores. Check weather stripping around your doors and caulking around windows. Make sure furnance filters are changed monthly. Wash the outside housing to get dust out of your A/C unit.

Also get an attachment that fits your vaccuum and regularly vaccuum the lint from inside your clothes dryer and vent hose and also regularly vaccuum your fridge coils. Appliances that run more efficiently will help cut your utilities and have extended life.

I know lots of people are limited on this one, but if it is permitted and you have the space, put up an old-fashioned clothesline. I save at least $20/month on my electricity when I use it for the bulk of my laundry. Better for the environment too!

Thanks! I grew up in a neighborhood full of clotheslines and now I live in a community that doesn't allow them Grrr.

-Noelle

I agree with everything and would like to add: if you have forced hot water by oil with baseboards, take them apart at the beginning of the season and vacuum them. It's amazing how much dust settles between those little louvers and on the hot water pipe.

Bring your lunch to work, rather than buying a sandwich (or whatever) each day - you can save a bundle by doing that. Leftovers!!

Also make your coffee at home and bring it in a thermos or travel mug rather than buying it each day. That's green too! And get one of the gold or plastic reusable filters for the coffee maker instead of using tons of paper ones.

Use only 1/2 - 3/4 of the laundry detergent as the directions on the box or bottle tell you to use, unless the clothes are really dirty/stinky. My allergy doctor told me if you do this you have less of a chance of an allergic reaction and your clothes will still be clean (and you'll save $$). Also use cold water in the wash unless you really need to use hot (whites with bleach need hot, for example), don't bother with warm. Only do laundry when you have a full load.

Shower gels and shampoo and conditoner can be diluted a little with water which will make them last longer too.

Flowergirl - hanging up clothes to dry is also easier on the clothes than tumbling around in a hot dryer - they will last longer.

Except for sheets (and towels during summer months), I air-dry virtually everything after a quick fluff in the dryer. I have a couple of rack dryers from Walmart/Target, and everything is dried on them - in the house. In the winter, this is a great way to get extra humidity into the air.

My best shopping tip is to only pay in cash: no debit or credit cards. You'd be amazed at how much more you save when you can only spend what's in your pocket/purse. I only pay cash any more. It takes some planning. And some common sense - you probably don't want to be running around with several hundred dollars on you.

Also, a budget. There are free online banking/budgeting programs (you don't have to buy Quicken or Money). Keeping track of how/where you spend and looking at it every month helps a lot too.

For food: rice cooked in chicken broth - cheap and gives you protein. Throw in some steamed vegetables and top off with grated cheese, and you've got a pretty healthy rib-sticking meal.

Do maintenance (house maintenance, car maintenance). The small things do prevent bigger bills down the road.

I use surge protectors and turn them off when the things plugged into them are not in use. I use one for the TV, cable box, router & dvd player. I use another for my laptop, a lamp and to charge my phone & camera battery. I have another in the bedroom in case I need to charge some device or use the laptop in there. When I go to bed or leave the house or am just not using those electrical devices I turn off the switches on the surge strips. I've saved a lot on my monthly electric bill since I started doing this because the only things that are drawing power then are the fridge and alarm clock.

You can get a lot of mileage out of one chicken. Stretch the meat out, eat it in casseroles, etc., use the carcass for stock, throw some vegetables and rice in the stock -- oh yeah, Hoos said that.

Do your cooking one day a week and freeze everything in portion sizes so you can eat your own tv dinners throughout the week. As a single person, that's the strategy that saved me, since it's no use cooking for one, and if I cook a whole recipe, I get sick of it and it goes bad before I can finish it.

If you drive, find a slower route. I used to take the interstate to work and do about 80 mph. Now I take the parkway and do 40 mph max. The gas savings is significant.

Just seconding here that clothes dry just fine on a hanger on the shower curtain rod. If it's humid, a little fan helps. It's still nowhere near the energy that the dryer uses.

Get to know your shoe repair man. Learn to sew buttons and hem. Knit your own socks. (Ok, maybe joking a little on that last one...)

Gas/Propane:

If I am living in a place that has a gas wall furnace, I turn the pilot light off every summer. I save $15-$20 each month that way. Just leaving the pilot flame on also adds significantly to the heat in summer, too, so it's nicer to have it off.

All my laundry is washed in cold water.

Kitchen:

For meat and fish, I shop sales and stock up, fill the freezer.

I buy vegetables and fruits in season, when they are cheapest. Rotating vegs/fruits this way also adds interest.

I don't as a rule, buy prefab food. I buy fresh fruits, fresh vegs, meat, staples, and create meals from those. If I want cookies, I make them.

If I use the oven (not often), I use it to make several things at once, not just for one thing.

Odds and ends:

If I have a shampoo that does not work and I can't stand what it does to my hair, I use it to wash dishes. I try to be careful, but one can't always predict how a product will perform.

I cut down on driving by doing my errands, shopping, etc. on the way home from work, or I plan weekend trips to accomplish several things. I try to avoid the weekend driving altogether.

Christmas:

I buy Christmas gifts throughout the year as I spot deals. This cuts down on the Christmas "feeding frenzy."

I don't decorate for Christmas anymore. I do, however, light lots of candles and play music and hang a wreath on the door.

Since I never make it through an entire box of Christmas cards, I keep the leftovers, rotating them with cards from past years, to send out the following year. No one seems to notice or particularly care.

I don't feel obligated to do Christmas baking... was always too expensive and most folks complain about eating too much over the holidays, anyway.

I don't feel compulsed to give lots of gifts. I tend to concentrate gift dollars on birthdays for those I care about, and give modestly at Christmas which, for me, has more spiritual than material significance.

Perfume:

I rarely, rarely pay retail.

General:

Generally speaking, I try to avoid paying retail for anything. Occasionally, there is something that I really want that I must pay full bore for, and I do if I want it badly enough. But not as a rule. And it has to be quality and be something that will last.

I don't spend a lot on entertainment, never have.

Can you describe how to do this?  I was going to try it this summer but I couldn't find
any sort of gas shutoff valve.

Wow, I love all of these tips. One thing I have learned is to utilize your crockpot if you have one, and if you don't get one. Start your meal in the morning before work and come home to a nice hot, homecooked meal.

I make stews, spaghetti sauce, barbequed ribs, ribs and sauerkraut, so many things in my crockpot. It is an old one, but I have used it for years.

Another thing is to make your own homemade soups. Making soup is therapeutic for me and I make gooooooooood soups! I make homemade chicken noodle, chili with either beef or turkey (white chili) navy bean and ham, lima bean and ham, turkey noodle, split pea, french onion, oh so many, but you get the idea. I then take a load of french bread, put butter and garlic salt on it and bake it in the oven. Homemade soup with garlic bread is both filling and delicious.

I grew up with parents that were poor, so I know how to economize and now these foods are comfort foods for me. I never buy fast food or prepared food, I make my own. I also make things, including my soups, and freeze them for later use. I rarely use my oven except in the winter because I am by myself.

Some great ideas already.

We don't economize so much because of the economy as it is just a life-style I prefer....I posted somewhere else that even if I were rich, the only thing I'd do different is eat sushi twice/month

I do not color my hair;
I get my hair cut at super-cuts or great clips ...with a coupon.
I try to organize my car trips to incorporate several errands.
I have no magazine subscriptions,
We only watch TV (no movies or renting movies, etc.)...I am still harping on DH to give up premium channels but the boy insists on watching his races .
We don't dine out.
I watch the circulars to stock up the freezer.
No dry cleaning. If i can't wash it, I don't buy it.
Trader Joe's wine (a girl has to live...some )
Keep the thermostat low (but I have hot flashes that favor this! Ha, a blessing in disguise ).
Haven't bought new clothes in ages.
Exercise at home---no gym.
No new shoes (this is torture!!)

The shutoff/on valve is usually red, and clearly marked ON and OFF. It's usually a dial of some sort, near the light itself. Turn it to OFF, and the blue flame will go out.
Alternatively, your local supplier will help you with this.

Also... no mag subscriptions here, either. Rarely buy or look at them.

No catalogs, those are deadly.

I buy my books at used bookstores whenever I can.

Do not pay for cable TV, so no TV at home. Netflix is nice, b/c I can pay for only what I view, or suspend membership as needed.

Color my own hair (with herbs, I'm happier that way), and pay for cuts 4x or less a year.

Don't spend much on OTC skincare; having studied the stuff, I use a lot of natural ingredients to concoct my own.

No gym here either, would never pay. I hike instead, it's free.

Thanks, Magdalene.  I'll go take a look for an on/off switch. I knew it could be done but was afraid to mess around with it too much in case I blew up the neighborhood.

I do many of the things listed above. I use a lot of coupons and match with sales to stock up. Perfume is about the only thing I pay full price for. Which is how I can afford to

One thing that I always do is have Walmart price match other stores. It amazes me at the people that don't know, that they will do this. When I see someone buying something that I know is on sale at another store for a cheaper price, I always tell them, that it's cheaper at so&so and explain(most times they don't have a clue) what to tell the cashier when they get to the register. A woman was buying toilet paper the other day, and I told her is was cheaper elsewhere, saving her 4.00 a 12 pk! She ended up getting two, since she could get it cheaper! ****tip**** you DO NOT have to have your sale circular at walmart for them to price match. I always have mine, but you do not have to have it. They are supposed to have other ads in their store for the cashiers.

We put a timer on our hot water heater. It is only on 1 hour in the am and 1 hour in the pm.

We don't have a credit card and use the envelope system for most things. I should have strted doing a perfume envelope, but didn't. I just comes out of checking. Now that I'm almost done with everthing that I want/need, I think I will start an envelope just for "replacements" when I run out or get low on somthing.

Dave Ramsey! Been listening to since 1993. www.daveramsey.com

I was going to say the Crockpot thing! But I fully agree -- with a crockpot, you can make a big pot full of soup, stew or chili that you can eat for days, and less expensive cuts of meat taste great after they've been cooking all day in a stew.

This might be just for guys, but I keep my hair at a buzz cut length because I can do it myself with a pair of clippers. It saves both time and a lot of money, and because it's so short, it doesn't require any hair styling products, so money is saved there, too. It also helps that I can point to Justin Timberlake and say, "This happens to be a very trendy style right now, thank you."

Great tips everyone!

Our local library has a great selection of videos as well as books. The librarian told me people rarely borrow videos there. I've gotten classics, new releases and children's videos there.

-Noelle

pretty basic stuff

shop at thrift stores for some cool treasures
shop at dollar stores for those sundry househole things ( pot scrubbers, tea towels , anything of that ilk)
dont be afraid to look in at the surplus shops or discounters for hardware or other necessary things
learn to make everything from scratch and learn to eat more simple fare
hair cuts at a hairdressing school ( they did not mess mine up too bad)
be happy with quality over quantitiy ( this works for shoes , clothes and handbags , less IS more )
reduce vice ( pick your poison here ......Noooo booze for me but my ciggie habit is now half of its former self)

for the Tim Horton addicts , get rid of that monkey on your back and brew yer own! It is dicey at first but can be done

The two things that have saved me most money have already been mentioned - use a crockpot (slow cooker) to make easy and delicious meals, and take lunch to work rather than buying it.

It sounds silly, but my recently acquired Hello Kitty lunchbox has really encouraged me to take my lunch with me. It has lots of little compartments, so I can take small amounts of more than one type of leftover, and it looks so sweet that I want to be seen with it

Recently I have got into a bad habit of buying coffee every day. There is a cafe across the road from my office, and my workmates and I have been going there daily to take a break and have a gossip. But at $7/day for a coffee and scone, or $4/day for a coffee, it is really detracting from the savings I'm making by not buying lunch. We've decided as a group that we are going to keep the cafe as a treat, and use the free instant coffee in our tea room if we want something to drink when we're gossiping. And I've resolved to buy something other than coffee, if we do go to the cafe - tins of soft drink are $2.50, and they last me longer than the cup of coffee does.

I've also stopped wandering around the shops at lunchtime. No more impulse buys for me! Unless you're talking about the online ones, of course

I will occasionally buy a fancy coffee for a treat... *maybe* once a month. I had at one time let that drift into daily, but when I calculated the monthly outlay, I got over that and fast! Besides, it was cutting into the food budget and, since I can be lax about eating, I figured I wasn't doing myself any favors substituting lattes for food. The quintessential yuppie stereotype! (Will work for lattes). And... I decided it would be an easy way to keep $80/month in my pocket...

More tips:

Barter whenever possible.
Use basic household cleansers: Using a different product for each task gets expensive.
Shop your closet -- keep things repaired.
Learn to love what you have.

Last year my girlfriends and I had a clothing swap. We brought clothes, shoes, bags and accessories and "went shopping". It was a great way to get rid of things we were no longer happy with and also come away with some new treasures.

-Noelle

Buy less.

And I'm not being flippant, either. The solution is to realize that we don't need a large percentage of the crap we buy --- including clothes, shoes, magazines, entertainment objects whatever they may be, and even food. But food is the one exception I make -- I don't buy any fast food, eat out rarely, but do spend money on high-quality food at the grocery store. Frankly, I've never understood the crockpot phenomenon -- I find that stuff cooked in the crockpot usually has little to no flavor and a lousy texture. For example, it doesn't let you reduce the liquid, and reduction is the key factor in a delicious tasting sauce. I've had a couple crockpots, they've gathered dust, and I've given them away. I make my own marinara, and I never use a crockpot -- I just start it in the morning on a weekend and let it cook down and evaporate as I go about doing other things.

I've been buying used things almost exclusively for the past year or so, but always had a taste for it, since I was a college student. It's so much fun to go on the hunt for unusual and well made gems -- including perfume!

I make my own coffee in the morning, mainly because I like my own better than anywhere else. And I do take my lunch more often than not.

1. Buy less.
2. Combine coupons with sales.
3. Quality over quantity.
4. Make sure to buy only if I truly love it.
5. Bring lunch from home to work everyday.
6. Keep box of crackers in desk for when I want something salty and crunchy to munch.

I stay out of stores and malls unless I have to go there for a reason. Less temptation = fewer impulse buys. And I'm avoiding online shopping venues. There's an old saying - If you don't want to get bombed, stay out of the target area.

I used to buy a expensive Lancome face cleanser (now its $80 bucks!) but I have found a cheaper one and its better too - Simple cleansing lotion at $9!! I buy good old Olay for night cream and I really get my moneys worth out of my local library.
I keep a beedy eye out for unfranked stamps on letters - it really gives me a buzz to get a "freebie" stamp.
* I know, I have to get out more

LJ , I do love you ! LOL

Agree with the shopping at dollar stores for basic cleaning and household items - it has saved me $$!
Also giving up Starbucks has really helped put $ back in my budget as well.
Swapping clothes with friends helps too, especially since I've lost 92 lb since April and can now wear straight sizes as opposed to plus sizes. I love shopping thrift stores and yard sales. I too love my local library and use it extensively for books, movies, magazines and music. Sure is a lot cheaper than having subscriptions, renting/buying movies, CDs. It amazes me how much money I used to spend without thinking about it until I was forced to think about it when I changed jobs for one I love but unfortunately took a pay cut to do so. It also amazes me how many ways there are to save money and live within a budget.

Yes, the inability to reduce liquid is the one drawback to a crockpot, but I use mine primarily for soups. I've made the best chicken noodle soup I've ever tasted using a crockpot, throwing in the noodles when it's nearly finished cooking -- though I did sear the chicken in olive oil, paprika and salt before cutting it into pieces and tossing it into the soup mix. Is that cheating?

I use my crock pot for roasts, whole chickens and beans/peas. For the roast, I usually put it in the crock pot, and put 2 cans of cream of mushroom soup on top. Sometimes I just put potatoes and carrots on top.

In an attempt to become more healthy, I have gone processed free, salt free, preservative free, and a lot of organic. This sounds expensive, but in fact, it isn't. By cooking all my meals and planning my grocery lists, very little is wasted. Processed prepacked foods are expensive relative to their nutrient value. You might pay less for produce at a regular grocery but chances are it is tasteless and therefore low in nutrient value, too. Of course, if you are buying fresh produce it's really hard to only shop once a month, I'm lucky to go in only twice a week, but I do only buy what's on my list and it mainly vegtables and fruit in my cart. One thing I think we have to watch for is economizing on nutrition, which is never a good thing. If the produce is higher quality, bursting with flavor, you don't need a lot to be satisfied. There is an added benefit to shopping at a place like Wholefoods or a little local produce shop, it is a cheerful and pleasant experience.

Can you please tell me what a crock pot means? I have an electric slow cooker, is it a crock pot ?
You have to cook noodles separately, if you want a clear chicken stock, no?

Bravo Lady Jicky, you always make me laugh! But seriously, for a few years already we don't buy books, we use our library, and if they don't have the book you want, they order it for you, it is nice to see our taxes put to good use!

Yes, it is a slow cooker, or a crock pot, whichever you choose to call it.
I make my soups in a separate big pot, not the crock pot. I add my noodles when the chicken and the vegetables are done enough. The crock pot is mostly for things like stews, ribs, etc.

You wouldn't believe how much electric appliances can waste energy! Switch off your TV instead of having it on standby all the time. Same with you computer. Remove battery chargers wrom the sockets when you don't use them. Replace you light bulbs with energy saving lamps when the light bulbs break. Do you have an ancient fridge / freezer? A new one might use much less energy (my new fridge uses 1/3 less than the old one did).

Find out which car does not waste fuel (is most fuel-efficient, can you say that?) if you need to get a new car. Buy a diesel car. If there is public transportation, use it. If you can walk or ride a bike, do it instead of driving.

If you live in a house, calculate which heating method would be cheapest. If the investment needed to change the source of the energy is economical, do it. Check that the thermostat in your heating system works right and lower the temperature of your house by 1-2 degrees. See that your windows and doors are well insulated.

I buy most of my clothes, shoes, and handbags second-hand at Savers. I don't cook during the week, because my husband is gone Monday through Thursday night, so why bother? Both of our cars are paid for (dents, scratches and all ,) and I try to make each tank of gas last at least two weeks. I buy a lot of paper items, cleaning supplies, and bath products products at the dollar store - sometimes you can get brand-name items there. I've bought off-brand tylenol there that honestly, works just as well for me as the real thing. Toothpaste and chewing gum are also good buys there, too!

Other than that, I guess I'm just hopeless, because as long as we can afford it, I do enjoy dining out, and like to do so at least three times a month (bear in mind, that since my gastric bypass, I only pick at my husband's plate, so we never buy two entrees, just one...) I also enjoy cable tv, internet, and Netflix. If it gets to the point where things get tight, Netflix will be the first to go.

In a way, I know I'm lucky, because our condo mortgage & monthly condo fee together, is less than $800.00 a month (it was built in the mid 70's, but it's still in good shape, and in a safe area, too.) Since we are definately "living within our means" where that is concerned, we don't have to scrimp as much in other areas. Yes, I would love to have a big, beautiful yard, a spacious living room and air conditioning (we have an evaporative cooler,) but I've just never wanted to be a slave to a high mortgage payment... )

Of course, I understand that mortgage prices like that depend a lot on where you happen to live (I live in a smaller town about 40 miles from SLC, Utah.)

I come from a looooooong line of poor farmers, so I know how to tighten my belt, if I have to...

Since I work in insurance and I do this every day on the job, we give a lot of credits (back money owed) to policyholders, what I suggest to this list of stuff is check your auto and homeowner policies and see if you're getting all the correct policy discounts like multi policy, good driver, student, senior, etc... this really does pile up in savings if you are being overcharged for discounts you should be receiving.
The more discounts you should be receiving, the more money you have in your checking account or pocketbook!

Contact your own local insurance agent to find out!

I can't hurt to find out what you are paying for because most everyone doesn't question their bills as one would like to think!

If you must go to a movie theater, hit the matinee and sneak your own snacks in your bag.

I love drive-ins... no matinees, naturally, but you can practically take dinner in your car.

I'm shamelessly attending the opening of "Beverly Hills Chihuahuas" this Friday at the drive-in, along with Lulu and other chihuahua owners (another plus... dogs are allowed!). You can bet there will be food involved!

Remembered this site while showering this a.m.:

http://www.frugalliving.com Been on the Web a long time. I first found it during one of my meager freelancing periods in the late nineties.

Stop supporting the arts... now's not the time to fall in love with opera.

When you go to a grocery store, follow the shabbily dress old ladies and get what they're buying.

I like to read this blog: http://www.thesimpledollar.com/

I also like to read Amy Dacyzyn's book "The Tightwad Gazette" for tips.

But mostly we just live like hermits. :-) We don't go out, don't eat at restaurants, don't buy many clothes, etc. The only thing I don't scrimp on is perfume. I figure I'm entitled to one vice, since I don't smoke, drink or go out. It's my entertainment, along with all the books I already own in my personal library. Besides, I prefer to hang out at home with my pets. I do spend $25 a month on satellite radio and TV so I can watch French TV, that's my only real entertainment expense besides perfume.

I shop at the local organic food coop for most of my food - I got a huge bag of fruits and vegetables plus a few other items for $42 and that will last me all week. Quality unprocessed food is really not overly expensive, it's worth the trip. Plus my coop is only a mile away, so I can walk there and back and get free exercise, no gym membership! I have a backpack that I use to carry my stuff home in. I feel so happy when I'm hiking home with my organic produce strapped to my back. :-)

Website for coupons, you can print them online or locate the one you're looking for and which weeks' coupon flyer it's in.

http://www.couponmom.com

And for my all time favorite, here's the site that will give you the available online shopping savings codes. I just had to buy my long-legged, soon to be teenaged boy some more jeans because he's outgrown his others. I managed to save about $30 at Old Navy online using this site's info. Either this one or the coupon mom site snagged me a $20 Omaha Steaks certificate a few weeks ago. That at least paid for the shipping plus a little.

http://www.currentcodes.com

Just select the e-tailer's name and voila, all the current online discount codes are there for you to browse and use.

That's my story, too. I don't go anywhere I don't have to go, don't drink, don't smoke, don't buy anything I don't need, pretty much. I also work a condensed schedule, do my full time in four days, and I have off-peak driving hours so I don't contribute to rush hour congestion. So a tank of gas lasts two weeks. I go to a clothing store once, to find out my size, and then I order online, where there are often sales that are not observed in the stores. I mostly stay out of the malls. All my clothes are washable. I watch movies on tv and make my own coffee. I'm guilty of buying lunch, but it's in the company cafeteria so it's less than it would be otherwise. There's really not a whole lot to cut back on to begin with. I rarely rarely pay full price for perfume.

You can reduce a sauce in the crockpot -- just put it on High and leave the lid off. You also don't have to cook everything for 10 hours. The newer ones have timing options.

Thanks for the coupon sites!

Same here but pay attention, because many of those snobby anti-clothes line rules are being struck down. I am eager to put up a clothes line, if I can find a good place in my yard, Surely it cannot be more offensive than my neighbor's dog who barks every time I set foot out of my house.

My main rule for saving money is don't buy stuff you don't need and eat at home.

I also use only half the laundry detergent, turn the thermostat up or down (summer and winter).

I do my own housework, or don't do it as is sometimes the case. The kids have to help. No maid service.

Soups, I can see. And yes, Nathan, it IS cheating to brown the meat first!!

But another question occurs to me: how is using a crockpot more economical? It saves time, maybe, but I don't see how it saves much, if any, money.

Signed,
Cathleen
President, Eradicate Crockpots Now!

Dear President of ECN:

On behalf of the Crockpots Now Campaign (CNC), we would like to take this opportunity to correct what we believe to be grossly inaccurate perceptions regarding the efficiency, quality and affordability of our beloved Crocker.

#1) The Crocker is "economical" because you purchase it with your hard earned dollars and that helps the "economy" -- Economy is the root of Economical, so the Crockpot is, indeed, economical precisely because it costs you money. And since you're helping the economy by purchasing a magnificent Crocker, your Patriotism can never be questioned. That's gotta be worth a lot, right? We think so, and that's what makes it economical!

#2) Is it the plough's fault when the fields aren't ready for planting? Do you blame the weathervane should the wind blow from the North? Can the Crockpot be at fault if your food turns out flavorless? Ponder that for a moment. I'm sure you'll reach the same conclusions about your own culinary skills that we reached in, like, two seconds flat.

#3) People save money buying our beloved Crockers because if they didn't have one, they would be horribly depressed by the gaping, Crocker-shaped hole in their lives and would then have to fork over tremendous amounts of cash for happy pills and therapy. Is that what you want, you cruel cruel beast? A world full of zombies on happy pills while hordes of nouveau riche therapists clog the reservation books at all the best restaurants in New York, L.A., London and Paris? No. We didn't think so.

We will end this letter by asking that you cease your baseless, unjustified attacks on our beloved Crocker, and publicly retract any negative statements you have heretofore previously made regarding this glorious and most lauded of all modern inventions.

Signed,

Herbert Sinclair Rothschild Hoover, III
President, Crockpots Now Campaign

P.S. -- We are holding your geraniums hostage until you publish your retraction. One false move and the pink one gets it.

Dear Hoover:

As I am sucking wind myself at the moment -- the good kind! The kind that comes from deep in the belly, a/k/a belly laughter -- I will reserve a more detailed response for a later date. However, I wish to make the following short, pithy points at the present time:

1. As "economical" derives from economy, so "Crockpot" derives from "crock," an American colloquialism with which I am sure you are familiar. Nuff said!

2. Though you may have reached your conclusion about the culinary skills of ECN members (and there are more members than just me! Honest!) I ask you why several thousand years of human civilization, plus approximately eighty years of human civilization with electricity in it, have not firmly entrenched the crockpot, or anything like the crockpot, within it.

3. A pleasant evening spent chopping, opening cans, cleaning cutting boards, etc. vs. a pleasant evening spent with a Xanax and a good book? I leave the choice to you.

Hugs and Kisses,

Mme. President, ENC

Smelka - where were you in the 70's???

"I don't know what a crockpot is? " LOL