Well, wearing Chanel perfumes didn't do it. (Remember my thread about perfumes helping in weight loss efforts??) I still am a size 20, but I would like to be a size 10. I have enough clothes to keep myself from being nekkid, but my almost all of clothes are of the extremely frumpy variety. My grandmother didn't even dress this frumpy. I want to present myself in a more modern way that I have. My husband is supportive of me buying some hipper clothes, but I feel guilty buying clothes in a size that I should not be. Buying clothes in my current size almost seems like a committment to stay that size.

Has anyone else dealt with this issue?

Look at it this way, you can't go naked. Plus nothing will motivate you to lose weight more than feeling good about yourself, and part of that has to do with how you look--or how you think you look. Also, you can buy the clothes you need in the size you need, and have them taken up as you lose weight. I've had things taken up 2-3 sizes before having to buy more clothes. Best of luck on your weight loss journey!

I was once a size 16 (at 5'5"), at the age of 20. It was even more painful because at the time, the only size 16 clothes did indeed look like things my grandmother wore. They didn't make many cute clothes in my size. That's why I designed and made my own clothes...

It's so much easier now to look put together and undowdy despite size. I say buy some things that:

• Make you look as chic as you feel
• Will transition over more than one season
• Are in colors and textures that are flattering, but not so varying from each other that you can't mix them for maximum wear

Keep an eye out for inexpensive accessories that will give your wardrobe flair, no matter what the size you are transitioning through.

And, as you lose the weight you no longer want or need, you can add a piece here and there, in decreasing sizes.

Vary constructed pieces with unconstructed pieces: no one wants to wear a tunic all the time, but a beautiful jersey one, for instance, will transition well with you and can be belted as you slim down and can later be paired over leggings.

The fact that your husband is supportive can be taken as downright encouragement, even a desire on his part. Something worth considering.

Isabella, I think you should go ahead and buy a couple of cute outfits. It's ok if they get too large for you. Just get some inexpensive, but cute outfits. I think buying some new updated stuff and wearing it will help your self esteem about yourself. Once your self esteem comes up and you feel better about yourself, then it may be easier to lose the weight you want to lose. It's hard to lose weight when you feel frumpy all the time. Even if you have to alternate days and wear the outfits every other day...I'd do it.

Best of luck to you.

How about accessorizing? That might tie you over 2 or 3 sizes until you buy 1 or 2 outfits. If you make sure that everything that you buy can be mixed and matched, with the right accessories you can make do for a while before shore shopping.

Consignment stores! When one is changing sizes but still wants to look good without going broke, you can't beat a good consignment store.

Good luck to you; it's a tough battle but worth it.

Isabella honey-
I've got my pompoms on for you !
Rah-rah !

There are good buys at Target, Kohl's, etc.
And even the Salvation Army has great stuff.
Worth a look, and won't break the bank.

Or, you could be like me-
Neck up- I'm well groomed and lovely; neck down, I'm well-supported [ underwires, orthotics]- lol.

You can do it !

There is a lot of good advice here. I went through this, too. I needed new things but did not want to pay too much so I went and got a few things at yard sales and the thrift store.

Honey, go buy yourself something that makes you look and feel fabulous. Love yourself while you're working on your weight loss. Carpe Diem!

Welcome to the world o' "big girls". I feel your pain; nothing shocks me more than seeing myself passing in the reflection of a store window on one of my more homely days and nothing tickles me like a compliment about my appearance from someone I think of as chic.
Some good advice here about basics shopping, I like to get one or two really" fierce" pieces - boots, coat, jewelry- per season to update and spice up my look. One of my lovely large friends swears that impecable grooming, hair, nails, make up etc. makes her feel confident and pampered. I am an advocate of feeling good no matter what my size, age or circumstance. I like the website "Manolo for the Big Girl" for fun fashion advice and good sales tips. And - Chanel goes with everything...

Hit the thrift stores. I'm a true believer.
Look especially for longer silk scarves (the long rectangles). They can make a monochromatic
ensemble pop and emphasise vertical lines while you lose weight. A good size collection of them
feels decadent and they're 50 to 75 cents each.

I'm going to echo what Mariana said. It's hard to loose weight when you're feeling down on yourself. I think I understand how you feel because I was once in the same state that you are in. I was inspired by the show "What Not to Wear" (of all things). One of the stylists told a woman struggling with her weight that you have to feel good about yourself in order to meet any goal. Having stylish clothes that fit your body can raise your self esteem and help you to get to the place that you want to be.

I took that to heart and invested in some new clothes and was surprised to find that the stylist was right. I began to see the possibilities. Through diet and exercise I managed to loose 34 lbs and I've kept the weight off. I had some of my clothes taken in, and I hit thrift stores, Target and Kohl's. I didn't spend very much money at either stage.

Good luck Isabella. I know you can do it!

-Noelle

These all sound like great suggestions. Good luck in your weight loss! Exercising can be alot of fun.

I agree with Mary 100%. Buy some clothes that make you look good in the body you're in right now. When and if you lose the weight, you'll adjust, but there's not reason why you shouldn't look great now at your current size. Carpe diem!

In fact, "carpe diem" is the very expression from this great book (now out of print) called Simple Isn't Easy: How to find your Personal Style and Look Fantastic Every Day. There's a chapter called "Weight a Minute! or A Waist is a Terrible Thing to Mind" that makes really persuasive arguments, like this one:

"I always mean to lose weight. I exercise regularly and I haven't had a dessert in the last two years. ...Sometimes i AM ten pounds slimmer, but I'm still not happy because I long to be the 121 pounds I was in college. So for quite a few years I didn't make the best of myself because I was waiting for the magic to happen -- I was waiting to be thin again. WELL, I'M NOT WAITING ANY LONGER AND I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD EITHER"....Right now, today, your life is taking place and -- at whatever weight you are --- there's no excuse not to look as attractive as you can. Carpe diem"

Then the authors go on to explain why looking bad demoralizes you, and looking good may actually help motivate you to lose weight.


If your husband is encouraging you to go out and buy some hipper clothes, that's your green light to stop feeling guilty and go shopping, IMHO. I'm sure he and those six kids (it's six, isn't it?) are going to be impressed, and that will make you feel really great. Tell us how it turns out.

I wish you all the best in your weight loss efforts.

My thought is you should find clothes you like that fit you now. My own opinion is if a person feels good about themselves right now, they will be more successful in making lasting lifestyle changes.

There are certainly a lot of online sources for size 20 clothes that are appealing. Addition Elle is in Canada and sells gorgeous stuff. I vote for updating your warddrobe right now as you can afford.

I'm not sure your body type, bone structure, metabolism, genetics, etc. but I caution about wanting to be a specific size 10. Sorry - i don't want to sound negative - it's more a caution ... It might be quite natural for your body to be size 10 (or 8 or 14 or 2) but some people get stuck on a particular number and are not happy unless they are that particular size. I have suffered eating disorders and issues in past with body acceptance and the best thing I ever did was stop worrying about my weight as a number or size and just enjoy the workouts and eating healthy (but not starving). Once I did this, in my case, I actually gained weight but then I've stabilized and been the same weight for a decade and through two pregnancies. My advice is to strive to get to your natural healthy weight.

If you feel good about yourself today, and as you gradually weight, the journey will be much more enjoyable as you make positive changes.

Good luck.

Here are some links:


http://www.lanebryant.com


http://www.avenue.com

http://www.alight.com/

Thank you everyone for your kind words and your encouragement!!! It was just what I needed! It is so true - my life is not on hold until I become thin. I truly do want to lose weight, but I don't want to wait until I become thinner to look my best. Carpe Diem indeed!! Thanks for your concern, ElizabethDamon about size 'idolotry' and worries about eating disorders, but I'm ok in those departments.

I do hope that you're all right about feeling better about myself once I dress better. What you're saying does make so much sense. Actually, latelyI have been trying to make myself over, bit by bit. So often, I've felt 'less than' other women because of my weight, my frumpy clothing, my blotchy face, and my unstylish hair. Last month, I discovered that wearing foundation makeup on a daily basis is very do-able and that I feel so much more confident wearing it. And then yesterday, I got a much needed haircut and it looks really nice. Along with some clothes, I'm tossing around the idea of coloring my hair (one of those at home dealies that washes out gradually) to add a bit of pizazz. And some tooth bleaching is order too. Rome wasn't built in a day, and I guess the new me won't be either. But thanks again, ladies and gentlemen for all of your kindnesses. I feel that I'm on the right road and you have all given me the courage to continue on.

Oooh I'm so happy you're pampering yourself. You definitely deserve it!

I agree with the advice to look and feel good now. It will give you the confidence to continue the journey toward a thinner you. Be good to yourself.

There ya go!

Well, ladies and gentlemen... I went ahead and ordered quite a few clothes, not knowing what would work or not. I tried everything on, and my husband just loved it. I mean he really loved it. He encouraged me to keep far more clothes than I would have otherwise. So, as Cathleen56 suggested, I took the hint and dropped the guilt.

I am so excited to begin sporting my new look! Thanks for all the encouragement!

Good for you, Isabella. Never put taking care of yourself on hold. Life is too short.

Long ago, I read a book on the things that are important to both men and women in relationships and marriage. Very high on men's list of needs was to have an attractive partner. The men interviewed did not feel their women or wives had to be beauty queens, but they did want them to take pride in their looks by taking care of themselves.

Of course, this concept, to some women, means hours and hours of maintenance, dollars on dollars of expenditures, perfect size, perfect hair, perfect everything. But this was not what the men meant... they simply want, even need, their women to take delight in their femaleness and to take care of themselves. When that's missing, men mourn.

Your husband wants you to look good now. And you can, as you are proving to yourself (and do, I'm sure; how else could you smell so good).

So true, Magdalene! A year or so ago, my husband's uncle, a professional hairdresser who spends his days listening to women talk about their lives, had a few words for me. He told me that lots of women spend lots of time and money on their hair (and other apprearance-related things) and that their husbands don't complain about the expense. This little exchange took place just after I was asking his advice about what to do with my then-blandly-ponytailed hair. I tucked his advice in my back pocket and didn't think or do much about it.

Now that I'm seeing my husband enjoy the benefits of me taking better care of myself and, strangely, not care a whit about the expense, I understand what the uncle was trying to communicate.

Magdalene, your comments ring so true...

Now that I'm cogitating on the subject, I'm wondering how men feel when their wives don't take care of themselves....

(I'd just ask my husband, but 1.) I'm not brave enough to hear the truth and 2.) He probably wouldn't say very much - he's far too sensitive about hurting my feelings.)

I too have decided to GET SERIOUS about dropping a few.
I don't eat the wrong things or a lot. I exercise. What I have to finally address is the wine I drink. Unnecessary calories. Gotta cut it out and see if that'll help!

It will -- as long as you don't substitute ice cream in its place!

Oh gee... I sure have. I have yet to set foot in a BIG 'N' TALL men's outlet (places I used to smirk at--- for shame!!) ... but I may yet have to do so.




Happily, eating wholesome soups, made from meat and vegetables , from my new crockpot--- and avoiding breads and sweets--- has caused a few pounds to drop off in the last couple of weeks.


(But then again, we all knew that that technique was effective, didn't we?)

Drinking copious amounts of hot, unsweetened green tea is a marvelous way, I'm finding, for curbing food cravings of every kind.

I need to pull out my POLAR HEARTRATE MONITOR (wristwatches).... These little toyz are an excellent way to burn fat. http://www.polarusa.com/us-en/products/fitness_crosstraining

It just chagrins me that, at age 45, I've moved into an age of my life in which my sheer youth and nervous energy alone didn't keep me slim.... as it had always effortlessly done, until about age 38 or so.

Mags, I see the lovely photo of Liz Taylor. In her memoir, she says she started piling on the pounds when she married that senator and moved into the country. She said that this was the period in her life in which she'd "lost her spark". She said that, for her to lose weight, she had to "find her spark again". (Whatever that might entail for any given person....)

When you're fat, there are some mean "Catch-22's", aren't there? For example: I want to do theater again.... it would be energizing and therapeutic.... but I don't want to tread the boards and have people see me fat.... This kind of "pretzel logic" is no fun.

I'm happy to read this Isabella. Enjoy. I'm sure the clothes will help improve your self-esteem. You might even find loosing the weight you want to loose easier now that you feel you look better.

-Noelle

Congratulations on your new wardrobe and outlook on life, Isabella! As for me, I have forbidden myself any new clothing until I'm at a healther weight. Since my budget has zero dollars in it, that should strengthen my resolve.

Wear what you can now and wear it well. Life is too short to wait for your next best weight!

You go girl! I bet you feel like a million bucks in your new look!

Good for you Isabella!!

I'm on a weight loss journey too and I don't feel one bit bad about buying clothes before I get to my ideal weight. You still have to live life until you get there.


Do whatcha gotta do!!!