The main article in this week's New York magazine is a great read on the New Urban Etiquette (but reads just as well if you live in a small town). Deals with everything from cellphones to working out at the gym to office rules and more. I agree with most of what is suggested but the following surprised the hell out of me:

Is it ever acceptable to talk to a stranger on an elevator?
If there are six or fewer people on the elevator, no. However, if the group is larger than six, you have achieved an Elevator Humor Quorum and someone must make a remark about the elevator’s lack of size or speed in order to relieve the tension created by standing in a tiny space with six or more strangers.

Weird...I ALWAYS make small talk in an elevator, especially if it's just me and another person. Offhand remarks about the weather, etc. But if the elevator is full, I just stand mute and watch the indicator light.

What do you think? Any comments about the article in general or the elevator in particular?

http://newyorkmetro.com/guides/etiquette/17332/index.html

I remember someone sending me a list of silly things to do, one of them was to get on a crowded elevator and instead of turning around, just stand facing the crowd. This is not something that I would do, but for some reason whenever I think of it makes me laugh out loud just picturing not only the person facing the crowd, but the reaction of the fellow occupants.....will read the article as well, thanks

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I think that if the woman does the asking, then she should pay (or at least make a credible attempt).

I used to feel that way, but I got over it, lol. After I've spent hours, it seems, putting on makeup, fixing my hair, struggling into hose, putting together the perfect outfit--well, I figure that constitutes my share of the evening!

On the elevator thing -- I don't talk to people on the elevator at work unless they talk to me. They're often going from one floor to the next to talk to someone about a work thing, and they're thinking about the work thing. I face forward and watch the numbers.

On the elevator at home, though, I speak when I get on and when I get off. That's sort of the custom in this building, to say at least "Good morning" and "Have a good one!" or some such when you get to your floor. If it's another woman on the elevator, there's often an exchange of compliments, too ("love your purse" "great shoes" etc.)

Not speaking in an elevator is nothing new.

I don't talk, in elevators . . . not unless I'm with someone, who wants to say a few words. For the most part, I don't like being encased in that metal can, anyway . . . ecch.

I agree that that's odd, Susan. I talk to everyone, everywhere. BUT, if there's just one other person, and it's a him-type person, I don't. I find being on an elevator with just a man slightly threatening. Perhaps that's why there's this "rule."

Now if the other person is my husband, and there's no one around, well.......

I talk to people on elevators depending on my mood. No fear there.

When the elevator is crowded I believe people are more worried about getting off,usually it is just,'excuse me.' As you try to get out.
On the other hand if it is you and another person you tend to get the,'did you push the button,which floor?' The weather is a subject which is universally seen as being safe to discuss with anyone.

Funny. I remember reading a book by some Brit about visiting the USA, and he said his favorite place was on an elevator because strangers didn't try to talk to you.

For me, it depends on my mood and the situation. If it's at work, I'll probably talk to the people I'm working with (going down for lunch or to a meeting). Otherwise, I stay quiet. Not that I take an elevator at work these days, anyway.

When I used to live in an apartment building, we rarely talked to each other on the elevator. Dunno why. I think it's a nice idea, like chatting on the sidewalk. But we didn't do it much.

I recently ran into a combined cell phone and elevator etiquette problem: I was talking to DH on the phone while wearing one of those ear pieces while waiting for an elevator in the parking garage. Another woman came over to wait for the elevator and thought I was talking to her. She was embarrassed when she realized I was on the phone, and I felt terrible and apologized. So I told DH I would talk with him lin a few minutes, and I waited until after we'd gotten off the elevator to talk to him again. It was weird, and I really didn't know how I should've handled the situation.

I talk in the elevator. If I don't know the person, I'll smile and say Good Morning.
My significant other is from England, and he talks to everyone, everywhere. So much for the 'standoffish' stereotype I guess.

Great article! I love these speacials they have - the bridal one some time ago was just, aaaaaaah!

Concerning elevators, I only chat to those who live on my floor, others get a "bonjour" and that's about it. But then, I'm not very good at talking about nothing!

Very interesting! The photos were a hoot, too.

Great read!

Some of the things I didn't know (like, who pays for the date when both people are of the same gender.....I would never have had occasion to know that!) and some I did.

BTW, I'll talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere, even in an elevator. :-)

I would NEVER pay for a date.

I am an extrovert but I rarely talk on the elevator unless someone speaks. I might smile.

The post-it's with a compliment for a one night stand made me snicker. Under the circumstances, a post-it is not even necessary.

I just give a vague smile when entering an elevator, and if the other person in pleasant and I'm in a good mood, I'm not averse to conversations.

I always pay for the entertainment side of a date, if I'm the one asking, but if he goes dutch on the drinks or the dinner afterwards, buh-bye.

More like a guffaw for me. Like you're going to carry post-it notes around so you can write "You were great last night" before you tear outta there.

I prefer to use my lipstick and write "No sale" on the guy's mirror.

I only talk in the elevator if I am alone ;)

I would really like to see some kind of etiquette rules followed re: cell phones. (as people here on POL have lamented many times) - people who are on the cell phone constantly need to GET OVER THEMSELVES and their inflated sense of importance - sooo rude!

I was in a class last week and a woman's phone rang three times!! Shut the damn thing off! She was right next to me and each time she said (in Spanish), " I am in class, I can't talk." THAT'S WHAT YOUR G-DDAMN VOICE MAIL IS FOR!! IF YOU CAN'T TALK THEN DON'T ANSWER THE PHONE OR EVEN BETTER, SHUT OFF THE RINGER BEFORE CLASS BEGINS!

Just because the phone rings doesn't mean you have to answer it. Do you respond to every email you get? Or every piece of snail mail you get? People who are truly important/powerful/VIPs/big-shots are not at the mercy of anyone who may have their phone number. Phone calls that begin with, "Oh I'm walking down Lexington, on my way to meet so and so - what are YOU doing?" are not important.

Not to defend rude cell phone behavior, but I honestly don't think that ego is why many people talk on their cell phones in public. There may have been a time years ago when cell phones were relatively new and people who had them felt like showing off. Today, they're ubiquitous and no longer a status symbol. People who talk on them just feel like talking on them. I think it's more a matter of not having a sense of private vs. public space.

I agree with you about turning off one's phone during events, or if you know how, just turn the ringer off. The latter should be easier to do than it is on most phones. I can see how, say, a parent might not want to turn her phone off in case she gets an emergency call, but she needs then to make the ringer silent. Unfortunately, a lot of phones don't make this easy to do, especially for the non-gadget person.

Good responses, thanks! Hey, I definitely pay on some dates...restores the balance of power and makes me less beholden if I'm less than wild about someone. And I enjoy treating!

I'm a play-it-by-ear elevator rider. Talk or not as the situation moves me. A friend's brother, who has great comedic timing although he's not a professional comic, one morning got into an elevator in an office building in New York. When the door closed, he turned to face the other grumpy, sleepy riders and said: "The reason I have called you all here today..." He just broke everybody up. If I tried that, they'd haul me off to the loony bin!

"The reason I have called you all here today..."

I like that!

My person pet peeve is people who talk on cell phones in public restrooms. I mean REALLY - who wants to hear that?? Thank God they are not allowed in planes during flight either. What a horrid annoyance that would be.

I didn't read the whole article, some security thing is blocking it, but will do soon.

On the elevator, I'm like you Susan: the less people in it, the more chances there are I'll say something, even if it's just a "goodbye" while exiting, or a "hot weather today, isn't it?".
On a crowded elevator, I wouldn't say a word.

On the pay for the date thing: we don;t go Dutch here regardless of gender. Not part of our culture.

On the post-it bit (hilarious!), we don''t do that either, not part of our culture. A woman would get veeeery angry if someone would write that up for her...LOL

On the cell phone thing: there are about 3 cellphones per person in this country! You do the math. It's completely ridiculous and annoying and pointless. Who are we trying to convince we're so busy and so impolrtant that people need to get to us at any minute?
I wish there were none, actually. And after that rant, yes, I do have one....( arggg....)